Actually, I hate this term and am using it ironically. I’m that kind of person (although my kids might dispute this), and I think it’s made me pretty successful at work and made me pretty likeable overall.
If everyone went around being self-satisfied, life would be much more miserable. I get pleasure from making people happy.
But of course, just trying to please others and hurting yourself in the process is harmful and debilitating. And you may need treatment to recover.
Someone I know bravely quit his job because he turned a blind eye to falsified performance data and refused to do people’s favors. Not pleasing people has consequences.
Claire Perry-Louise is a recent guest on the Corporate Escapology podcast. here or here). After studying and training for many years, and working as a lawyer for more than 10 years, Claire followed the path to please her father. Her words, even though they brought her little joy.
She is a good example of someone who appears to be a recovering people pleaser, confusing friends and family by giving up the stability and status of the law to follow the then emerging but poorly understood field of community marketing.
I asked her on the podcast if she thought she was having a breakdown or a midlife crisis. I think she did at the time.
Because Claire prioritized pleasing herself. Maybe for the first time.
I have known Claire for several years. She runs a community for entrepreneurs. Like warm-hearted leaders – and she spends her time harnessing the power of community to reduce loneliness in leadership. If you are starting a business for yourself, LHL may be the place for you.
Claire makes a lot of people very happy. But now it’s up to her to do it her own way. Through choice, purpose, and independence from others.
There’s a funny bit in the podcast where, 10 years after Claire’s run-in with the law, her father told Claire she was the most disappointing of his children. Claire says she had ‘everything’ but she gave it all up.
But it was his dream (for her – and maybe for him too). It wasn’t hers.
It made me reflect on whether making my family happy was one of my motivations for taking a job at the company. I’m not sure if that was the case. I think they were relieved that I got to a safe and secure place and that I didn’t talk about it too much.
But leaving did not please some. My wife feared the worst, her parents were worried, some people at work thought I was “brave” (code for stupid), and friends tentatively asked if I was having a midlife crisis. , my children wondered where the money (for them) was going to come from.
After proving (to myself and my wife) that the risk was low, I just did it. I didn’t think about anyone else at all.
I am pleased with myself.
And as time went on, leaving and starting a new life seemed to make other people happier, and I admit that this made me happier than walking out, as the saying goes. I don’t want my friends to think I’m a failure, my in-laws to disapprove, or my kids to worry about whether I’ll have to sell one of them.
As part of the Corporate Escapology study (Pre-order available), I spoke to a woman in the US (we’ll call her Anne-Marie). She was stuck in a job she really hated. Because her coaching training made her family too nervous to let her do it. She sacrificed her own pleasure, fulfillment, and purpose. Because it’s inconvenient. Phonetically, yes.
Years later, Anne-Marie became extremely resentful of the time she had wasted. She began to feel her confidence diminished and feared she would not succeed in her business, she said.
But one of the good things about the pandemic is that more people have started working remotely. That means not only Anne-Marie, but many of her potential clients as well. This allowed her to start a side coaching business, initially without her family’s knowledge.
I checked on her last week and she was a different person. She even told her family. And they were supportive. Phonetically, yes. She thinks she’ll be able to quit her day job next year.
It is often a question of ‘not yet’ rather than ‘never’.
The people you want or need to please are often the most important stakeholders. Or at least it should be. You can’t ignore them.
but you That too is a problem. Life is short. And you (probably) only get one chance.
Choose who you like and when. Like Claire, like Anne-Marie – and like me.
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